The Pursuit of Home: Unraveling the Emotional Landscape of Homeownership

Michael Herst00:00:00

Hey, one more thing before you go home. It's more than four walls on a roof. It's a feeling, it's a foundation, and sometimes a pursuit that shapes our very lives.But what does home truly mean? And how do we find the place that not only shelters us, but fulfills us?We're going to answer these questions and more when we have a conversation with an expert in this arena. I'm your host, Michael Herst. Welcome to One More Thing Before You Go.

Michael Herst00:00:37

In this episode, we're joined by a remarkable guest whose journey has transformed the way people approach real estate.Scott Harris has been over two decades helping individuals and families navigate the stress of moving, buying, and selling in one of the world's most competitive markets, New York City. But his approach is different.With degrees in history and psychology and People First Mindset, Scott has redefined the meaning of homeownership, turning it into an emotional and transformative experience. Scott's upcoming book, the Pursuit of Home, explores these ideas in depth, and his podcast of the same name continues the conversation.In this episode, we'll dive into the psychology of moving, the personal stories that shape our sense of home, and the broader cultural trends influencing how we live today.So if you've ever struggled with the stress of moving, questioned what home really means, or wondered how to create a space that nurtures your life, this is the conversation for you. Join us as we explore the heart and soul of finding a place called home. Welcome to the show, Scott.

Scott Harris00:01:43

Michael, it's good to be here. Thanks for having me.

Michael Herst00:01:45

What a journey you have.Coming from your childhood up through your present day, you've created an environment that not only nurtures you and your family, but everyone that you touch. So thank you.

Scott Harris00:01:59

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Michael Herst00:02:01

I always like to start at the beginning. Where'd you grow up? What was your childhood experience like?

Scott Harris00:02:07

Well, I grew up in New Orleans, and. Which is a really. It's one of those places that is like no other. So I'm really grateful I got to grow up there.And at the age of 8, my parents split up and lived near each other. So I spent the majority of my childhood moving back and forth between their houses, which was, on some level, unsettling.Just never felt like I was in one place. Never felt like it was exactly. I knew where I was, but I still had two parents who loved me very much. Both of them got remarried and had a really.I would say it impacted me, though, in a way where I was really driven. I was driven to sort of succeed and do things on My own.And that informed a lot of what I ended up pursuing for many, many years before I got into real estate.

Michael Herst00:02:59

How did your childhood experience maybe shape your compassionate approach to real estate?

Scott Harris00:03:05

Yeah, it wasn't Michael. Like, I figured it out when I started, like, oh, this is, you know, what I'm going to do because, because of the situation.But when I first started in real estate, I was doing rentals. It was very transactional and really unsatisfying. I was good at it. I was really, really good at it.But only when I started doing sales and helping people find a home and getting kind of underneath the hood with people did it occur to me that in helping other people find a home, I was doing some work to help heal my own broken home as a child. And it became more and more satisfying on my side. And yeah, I mean, ultimately there's this incredible. It's very much people focused.And I find that the more I can serve people and help them find a home that really serves them, it does a lot of work for me. And it's really been a mission to help people.

Michael Herst00:04:04

Yeah, I think it's a very, very positive thing. My grandparents were consistently growing up. They worked for apartment complexes.And for the majority of my life as a young individual, the majority of my life, I lived in apartment complexes. And that's all that we knew. I came from a broken home as well.And because I came from a broken home as well, it motivated me more to create a home environment for me. And moving all the time was just. It was a pain. It was just a pain. It was a stress on everybody.Your deep understanding of like emotional stress involving moving, how did that help you to create the person you are today?

Scott Harris00:04:50

Well, I think for a long time as my, as I evolved, I was always like a good kid in school. I always was kind of an overachiever in the classroom. And eventually it was just this feeling like I have to figure these things out myself.I was very self reliant, I was very resourceful.I always, I like, I can figure out the answer, I can make it happen, whatever I want to do, whatever idea I had, and sort of combine that with being a very curious person. And I think what I discovered in my first year of doing real estate and I had done, I've been in the music business.I'm sure we were happy to talk about that too.But what I realized when I got into real estate is all of the things I had ever done before real estate were like this stack of skills that ultimately proved really, really Helpful in real estate. Like I was. It was like all. Every single thing I'd ever done was perfectly suited to help me be successful in real estate.I was a good listener, super resourceful. I have this knack of just, if someone says, hey, I want to do this, I just believe that it's possible. Like, it's going to happen.We're going to figure out, come hell or high water, how to make this work for you. And that level of belief and curiosity and ultimately intuition.There are so many different factors that I think people don't always consider as part of the real estate experience. I think most people think of it of they engage a realtor for the transaction, but there's this entire world underneath the transaction.And I think, you know, I. You have to be good at the level of transaction, but I think below that is where ultimately all the magic is. And I think that's where I really.

Michael Herst00:06:41

Where I thrive, where you fly from there. Now I know you got.If you have degrees in history and psychology, originally, did you want to be somewhere within that realm of history or psychology?

Scott Harris00:06:55

I started as a psych major, and I think all psych majors are trying to figure something out inside themselves. And I loved it. I was learning, and ultimately I couldn't get in the classes that I wanted. And I found myself kind of like.I don't want to say depressed, but I just didn't like the direction that my. My major was going.And so I had a meeting with someone, and I'm like, you know, I kind of want to switch majors, but it meant that I'm not going to be able to do the honors program. And at some point I'm like, it just doesn't matter. I'm going to switch to history.And ultimately what I realized is that where people and their stories collide, you know, it's like that intersection of people and their stories is where what I'm most interested in. And so the history piece that I really pursued was anthropology. And it's really the story of people.Recent American history is where I ended up focusing a lot. So I did a lot of oral history, a lot of research where I was interviewing people.I was in school at Penn in Philadelphia, and I did this whole research project on, shockingly, the development of the interstate, or the attempted development of an interstate that ran right through what's called South Street. There was a project from 1955 to 1970.They finally abandoned it, but they were trying to build what you see in a lot of places, which is a loop around the City, you see it in D.C. the interstate development that happened all around the U.S. they tried to do in Philadelphia, and it was fought and ultimately won.And I just found that so incredibly interesting about. It was all happening during the civil rights movement, so people were protesting.Ultimately, people know that Philadelphia is much better, that they have south street intact.And, you know, just all of those, the talking to people, interviewing people and learning their stories, it was sort of like history, but really with a psychology bent behind it. Does that make sense?

Michael Herst00:09:04

Absolutely makes sense. My wife and I both are history nuts overall, anyway.But I think that plays an important factor in society and culture in how we grow up, the intergenerational aspect of where our families at, what our ideologies are. So, yeah, I think it fits. I think it fits really well for what you're doing.

Scott Harris00:09:25

Yeah. I mean, ultimately, too, Michael, what you realize is that history is often, you know, it's a story that you tell.It's not that it's necessarily true or not.It's just that if you tell yourself a story that is uplifting, a story of success, a story of victory, of overcoming things, that's an empowering story. Or you could tell a story of being a victim, things happening to you. And so, you know, I'm listening much more than I'm talking.When I'm engaging with clients and just the world around me, I'm often asking more questions than talking about what I know. I might know this much, but with my clients, it's about helping to pull out the things that are the. The answers that are inside of them.

Michael Herst00:10:10

See, I find that a very. A very unique approach to. To providing somebody with a home or to, you know, help somebody to get a home.Where we work, how long we plan on working someplace, how close we are to family. I mean, there's so many other essentials that we have to think about when we buy a home.How far away from me are we from our parents or our kids or our grandparents or somebody that's close by? Are we that close to work? You know, my wife. Where we're at now, my wife drives 45 minutes to an hour every day to get into work.But it's a choice that we made because we. We wanted a house where we wanted to live.And it played a factor in our decision on all three houses that we've purchased is the location and how close we were to family, how close we were to friends, how close we were to school, work, you name it. So, yeah, I think that. I think it's important what A unique perspective to come into this with.

Scott Harris00:11:10

Well, what I would say to what you're. Because what you're talking about is what every buyer. You know, that conversation certainly has to involve what I call the nuts and bolts.But it's all about the order in which you ask the questions. So if you start with, why are you doing this? What are you about? What's important to you? Who are you? Just getting to know you as a person.We're going to get to all of the nuts and bolts, but it takes a lot to inspire and motivate someone to get off the couch, to get out of the inertia of the life that they're in now. And in order to do that, you have to really get them excited and motivated.And sometimes what a house costs and all of those factoids are not motivating. And in fact, to get everyone aligned, to get.Usually 70% plus of people who buy a home are a part of a couple, to get those two people aligned and to get their energy going, you have to make sure you're asking the right questions in the right order.So if you just talk about what can you afford and the mortgage and this job and the income and all that, I think it ultimately puts some roadblocks between you and your home search, if that makes sense.

Michael Herst00:12:27

It does. How does your. You mentioned earlier about music. How does your creative aspect kind of play into your. You're developing the communication that you.You have with clients or anybody wanting to look for a home.

Scott Harris00:12:41

The music and the creativity and how that ended up, how that ends, how that informs everything that I do. I'll break it into a couple of pieces. So I've. When I was in my 20s, I was.I went from college directly into the music business and I was putting bands on the road and I was performing in the band myself. We were. I was writing songs. My job was also to be the booking agent so that like book all the dates. So I was doing.Wearing two hats, the performing on stage and the booking, which really did play a large role in my sales skills and kind of creating tours. It does help my real. It helped my real estate career. But the parts that you wouldn't think of were when I was.And I still write music, but when I was writing songs, if you, if you do any interviews with a Bob Dylan to, you know, you're somebody that you would never know, they'll often say this. This song just came through me and you do. Or you're on stage and you're just in the zone where Something just flows through you. You're just in.There's an intuitive element you can't take credit for. And so having experienced that so much that I allow for things just to happen and I ask a lot of provocative questions.I find myself asking questions to buyers and letting the space for that awkward response. I sort of evoke information that they didn't know they had inside of them.So I think the creativity for me has come out in almost from the intuitive side of it, just to have fun, get to know people. That. What I like to say is that real estate is the vehicle for me, but it's really just about helping people.And no matter what I've ever done, it's been about that. But over the last few years I've Also, the last 15 years I've been writing an ongoing newsletter that I send out to my clients.So I've always loved writing and so I get a lot of creative, I have a lot of fun. I really just. I'm pretty casual about the way I write. I'm having a good time, I'm shooting videos.And over the last four or five years, as I started having this idea for the book that I wrote, that's been just a wonderful creative outlet. But I never look back in terms of, you know, what I'm working.I'm really, I'm the kind of person that's 110% focused and passionate about what I'm working on. And I did music for full time for 6 or 7 years, loved every minute of it.And I was ready to move on from that when I moved to New York from Boston and when I was time to launch my new company, which is in the last few months, to move on from the real estate firm where I was for 18 years, I was ready for that. So it's. I really do follow my intuition. And so I get a lot of.As I build this business I have, I really focus my creative energy on whatever it is that I'm working on.

Michael Herst00:15:53

That's brilliant. I mean, I think we all have to have a combination between our right brain and our left brain. We have to be logical, but we also have to be creative.And then when you combine the both of them, it makes for a much better, well rounded conversation with anybody that you're talking about in life, whether it be selling them a home or playing music. You got to live the rockstar dream for six years, man, it was fun.

Scott Harris00:16:20

I would like to say that what we were doing was a combination of being a band and a baseball team. Because we played so many shows and it was kind of like it was in the late 90s, so we were kind of like a.Almost like an acapella version of a boy band. And we were playing a lot of all ages shows which really put us all over the country. But we were doing so much performance. It was like all the time.It wasn't, oh, we're going to party all night and and then. And show up the next day, sleep all day on the bus. We were performing constantly so it was like you had to stay in shape.

Michael Herst00:16:55

Wow. Yeah, I would imagine that's cool. So cool. Very cool. Very cool. After college I went back to work.I would love to have been in your shoes for a little while. That was. That's pretty slick.

Scott Harris00:17:05

Well, I'll tell you what, Michael, my, my parents had just helped me go through four years of college and, and I feel really grateful that they weren't. I paid for my own way. So it wasn't after college, it wasn't that they were like, hey, why are you doing a real job? Which I'm really grateful for.They let me find my way, which is brilliant. Not every parent can do that. Especially when their kid went to like an Ivy league school, you know, has.And they know, you know, they know he's smart. You're on the road with the band. What? But it really informed the way that I, how I became successful in the end.

Michael Herst00:17:44

That's pretty cool actually. In that generation is always about that, no, you need to get a real job. The band's not a real job. Acting is not a real job. Post get a real job.Why do you believe that a home is more than just a financial investment?You mentioned earlier about the nuts and the bolts and you know, you got to do it sometimes if you for work, you have to do it sometimes for you for cost. And there's so many factors that we have to think about when we're going into a home. But everybody wants to make their home, not just a house.The key word is home.

Scott Harris00:18:20

Well, I've heard people talk about, well, you know, our society should be focused less on home ownership and home, you know, it's a scam. And I've heard a lot of people kind of get negative about homeownership.But you don't have to go too much past the bible to see how owning a home is central to life. I mean the word home, if you look in lots of different languages, the word home comes from the word for man. They are interconnected.And so you know what I've come to believe, and I've sold thousands of properties and helped a lot of people move in their lives, even to move to new rentals. It's that I really believe that a home is like the launch pad for your life.That if you find the right home that supports you, it's going to give you the space to pursue your dreams, so that your home is like your partner in the rest of your life. It's not just your refuge. It's more than that. It's where you can incubate what you're looking to do, how you grow.It's not just a place where you raise your children. It's much more than that. I found it to be true. Look at everybody who started a business in their garage. It's where people dream.The shower, the ideas you have in the shower, the conversations you have at the kitchen table, it's all happening in your home. So I think that a home, yes, there's a practical element. You have to move for your job and this and that and the other.But I think ultimately your home is really where everything starts. And if you have the wrong home, it could really negatively impact your life.So, you know, this decision that you make, the homes that you buy, over the course of time, I think it becomes. It's a much bigger deal than just the transaction. The dollars and cents are important, but that's not really. It's just the very tip of the.

Michael Herst00:20:33

Iceberg, and I think we can carry that over. And we've been talking a lot about owning a home, but in today's day and age, obviously it isn't always viable In a lot of cases.Phoenix, for example, in here, they're saying that the average individual, to buy a home here, you have to make 150,000 or make $150,000 a year in order to afford a home. People can still make a home.Just as a point for our listeners and viewers, that you can make a home in any apartment complex that you happen to be there. A home is not just something you purchase. A home is something you make. Right.

Scott Harris00:21:11

Yeah. I don't. When I was writing this book, I want to be very encouraging to people and say bravo to you for saving enough money to have a down payment.And these days, it takes a village. You know, often you need. You need parental help for down payments, and you need help. Just. There's a lot of different elements.But I've rented a lot of apartments, and I think it's. There is a point at which you feel that. That pull Inside, to have something that you can really make your own. And. And, yeah, I think as.As time goes on, people are forming households, meaning like, you know, shacking up, getting married, or becoming, you know, getting together with someone at a later age because homes have gotten more expensive. So I think it is a challenge, that's for sure. But, yeah, I'm not. I'm not saying everyone has to own a home, but I.But I do believe that there's that pull inside of people that they need to honor.And if there's a way for it to be expressed, I think ultimately, you know, maybe there are some sacrifices people can make to have a smaller home that works. It's. I don't think there's any. The home that someone. What someone ends up, what it calls to them, that feels right to them.The only person that it matters to is that person. I don't have to agree that that home is right. It's all about, you know, trusting your own inner guidance to say, this is what works for me.And if right now it's to rent an apartment and to be dreaming big about that home that you want to buy in the future, you know, I say go for it and keep dreaming about that home and keep building towards it.

Michael Herst00:22:58

In your book, I think you talk about navigating the stress of moving. You and I both talked about that, having to up and move. We talked about that right before the episode started.We moved around as a kid, I moved around quite a bit, and it was always a pain in the butt. Even as an adult, I hated moving. Do you have any advice for anybody navigating the stress of moving from one place to another?

Scott Harris00:23:26

Well, first, let's just say it like it is, that moving is one of the top five most stressful things that people go through. You know, and that on that list is losing a loved one, going through a divorce. And these are big deals.So I think it's part of it is just acknowledging, hey, this is a stressful thing. And what I tell my team all the time.And in order to have real compassion for our clients, it's acknowledging that we're meeting people when they're at their most stressed. So how do you stay calm, be the captain of the ship? You know, it's. It's real. It's an honor to do that, to help bring the temperature down for people.But if you're asking me, hey, what do you do to manage the stress? There's no one answer. You know, it could be go for a walk.It could be, stop looking at social media, at all your friends and their, you know, what you think the real estate process is supposed to be, and just focus on yourself. But I think really, and what I advocate is getting to know yourself and your communication style.I go into a lot of depth about this early on in the book.If you get to know how you communicate and really what is important to you as you gather information on your home search, then you can align yourself with an agent who speaks your language.You know, for instance, if you're a real information gatherer and many, many people are, we go through a whole almost like a personality assessment in the book, actually. If you're an information gatherer, you need someone to give you data. It's going to take you a long time or a longer time to make a decision.And so you need to collect information and digest it in the way that works for you. So you need to find an agent who can be patient, provide you that information. Maybe they need to twist your arm a little bit.But what really helps is when you align yourself with someone who speaks your language. That makes sense.

Michael Herst00:25:35

It does make sense.When my wife and I were first looking for our first home about 36 years ago now, in trying to do that, we went with a real estate agent that was a friend of. It was the mother of a friend of mine. And we did it because we were. Joe and I were friends, right? Joe said, my mom's the real estate agent.So we expressed where we wanted to buy a house, and we said, we want to go in this area. This is where we want to raise our kids. This is what we want to do.And she consistently showed us houses that were as far away from that as you could possibly get.

Scott Harris00:26:16

That can be very frustrating. And what I would say, and I really encourage people to interview agents.People spend more time planning a weekend trip than they do selecting a person, hiring a person that is going to guide them to one of the most impactful decisions of their entire lives. You know, hey, people, slow down. Get to know yourself. Interview a couple people and make sure that the person gets you.They see you, they understand you. You feel seen and heard and understood.Then you can relax and not feel defensive like you're saying, you know, that this agent was showing you everything that was not what you were asking for. Or, I mean, you've got to give an agent a little bit of latitude, but at the same time, that raises your stress level.And then you're like, focused on all the wrong things. So I really encourage people. I give people a whole bunch of questions to ask.And by the way, what works for you may not be the exact same thing that worked for your wife. So, like, the way that you gather information may be very different than your spouse.And in that case, this agent has to be sophisticated, savvy enough to speak.

Michael Herst00:27:49

Both languages of them.

Scott Harris00:27:51

Yeah, they got to say, they give you information one piece, and then they give the same information for the other person. This is really important stuff because the goal is to align everybody because often one person's more excited about the move than the other.Let's just be honest.

Michael Herst00:28:08

My wife hates moving. My wife absolutely despises moving.

Scott Harris00:28:11

Right. She's focused on safety and wants, you know, wants home. And you're breaking up the, the whole, you're, you're breaking up the.That comfort zone and getting. And that's a big deal for some people. It's more off putting than for other people. And that's just the truth.And most people fall into that category, actually.And that's why people often don't move, but every seven to 10 years, because it's just the pain of thinking about the move even when it might be overdue.

Michael Herst00:28:42

I agree with that. And I also agree with Great. Interview other agents. That saves the awkwardness of telling your best friend you have to fire his mom.

Scott Harris00:28:53

Right, Right, exactly. Like it's, it's. Sometimes if you're a real information gatherer, I encourage, hey, bring on a couple people.I've had clients call me and say, look, I want to let you know I'm interviewing multiple people.You know, I'm going to work with a couple of people because I just want to hedge my bets and I want to see who I feel more comfortable working with, you know, And I'm like, all right, well, thank you for telling me. And I, at that point, I have a choice. Do I feel like I want to prove myself or, you know, do I think it's worth my time to engage with this person?Or I might say, you know, what if I, if you were working multiple people, I'm not going to work with you. In this case, I had to work with this guy for five years on and off, whenever he was in town. And he bought a very big apartment.He bought a, literally a $15 million apartment at the end of the road. But about two or three years in, he said, look, you know, I'm not working with this other person anymore. I think you're great.So I think it works both ways. I want to be able. You want it to feel comfortable, you know, okay, I Understand how I need to communicate with this person.And you want the other person to feel like if there's anything that needs to be said that just have this open line of communication. Because when you're stressed all the time, it just doesn't work. You can't focus on the house. You're annoyed with the broker. That's the agent.That's a real issue.

Michael Herst00:30:18

And I mean, I think that that, that applies to everything in our lives. The communication is the key to understanding and the key to achieving success in your marriage, in your relationship, in everything that you do.So I think it should apply in this case as well. Do you think in today's society and culture, the ultimate I want to find my dream home still exist.With today's economy and the state of things, you have a choice.

Scott Harris00:30:47

You can choose. It's like Henry Ford said, whether you think you're, you know, whether. What is it? It's a. Whether you think you can or you think you can't.You're right. What I often will tell people is you make your own market.And so if you're going to ask me, do I think that finding a dream home is possible in this market, I would say absolutely, it is possible. You have to believe it before you see it. You really do.You have to create a vision for what your home looks like, feels like, and you get yourself very much in tune with that vision.You continue to iterate and reform the vision and revise the vision and build that belief that it's possible, because then it will be attracted to you. And that's what we do. I called my company Magnetic. We deploy what I call the magnetic method. It's really about believing that.That this home is possible. It's fundamental to what we do. So, yes, I think your dream home is possible. But if you choose to focus. Not you, Michael.But, you know, if anyone chooses to focus on all the reasons why it can't work, then they probably won't find something. But if they focus on all the.They just focus on themselves and that vision, then there's a very good chance they're going to find something that they love.

Michael Herst00:32:14

Manifesting. You know, people do vision boards and people do manifesting. We're going to own this home. We're going to own this home. We're going to own this home.I'm going to get that job. I'm going to get that job. I'm going to get that job. But I agree with you. I think manifesting what we want is easier than we think it is.I think that it's an opportunity for us to be able to look deep inside and visualize what we want and then make it happen. What are some unconventional strategies from your book?

Scott Harris00:32:41

So I'll focus on one in the book and it's, it's in chapter four. And what I, what I set out to show is that most people, they go into a home, they have a, they, they're working with an agent.And this agent says, okay, you know, Joe Q. Buyer, this thing checks all your boxes and you go in and you're like, wow, it's got this, this, this, this, this.It really does have everything on the checklist. And I feel nothing. I literally, like, it doesn't work. You're like, I don't know what is going on. This ticks all the boxes.And yet I still, I'm not excited. It's not my house. People realize that there's, there's something more, that it's about something more than the checklist.And so you, you start to realize that you have a little less control and power over a little less free will, or I would say no free will over the decisions about what you actually love. So you have to shortcut, you have to shortcut the. Oh, you have to find a shortcut to what you actually love.And I found that the only way to shortcut this, Michael, is to make offers. When you see property, it's to make an offer on something once it ticks enough boxes.And then when you get a response from that seller, it's a neck down response like that. You find out that you, there's a bidding war and you're inside your gut, you're like, I don't really care. You know, it doesn't. You don't get nervous.That is a good sign that you probably don't really like that house. Or you get nervous and excited, they come back at a counter that is reasonable. You're like, oh my God, this could really happen.That's a more reliable indicator of what you would love than this neck up approach where you just look on your checklist. Oh, it's this close to our family and it's this close to the church and the school and whatever.So the unconventional approach is actually to make offers to shortcut. You kind of get your brain out of the way. Does that make sense?

Michael Herst00:34:49

It goes back to the logical side of the brain and the heart side of what you're thinking. Does it resonate with my heart or does it resonate with my brain? Is this logical to get this or does my heart want this?I think you emphasize prioritizing, like the emotional connections and understanding of personal stories to help find a home. And I think that kind of tags on that, doesn't it?

Scott Harris00:35:19

Yeah, I mean, it's. I often will have these conversations. One person in the couple is more analytical than the other.And, and, and so the work is often to, you know, is it a good investment? Da da da da da da da.And you can kind of see in that, in that dynamic that one person, it feels, you know, is more the feeling person, one person's more the head person, and at the same time that the analytical person is often covering their own emotional connection with the analysis. So it's like, how do we just remove that layer? And you have to be. It requires a pretty sharp knife sometimes.

Michael Herst00:36:08

What do you think the biggest misconception is about buying a home? My wife and I have purchased three homes in our marriage.Different areas, but in that three homes, each one of them was kind of for a different reason.

Scott Harris00:36:24

Yeah, the misconception that I think most people make is that it's just about the transaction. You know, I mean, that's the big one. But I think the one that I think is more practical and I think.But a lot of, certainly a lot of Americans, you know, they don't, they don't negotiate over any very much in their life. You know, maybe they haggle a little bit over a car, but the misconception is that you have to be this tough guy when you negotiate over a house.And I think there's. There's a way to do, to negotiate where, where you can create win win situations for buyers and sellers.I think there's an approach, and we really often will get there, that the negotiation can leave everyone, you know, as intact.I think a lot of people think they almost ruin their experience over a house trying to, you know, get every last penny, and they forget that this is something that they're going to love and live in for a long time.

Michael Herst00:37:34

How do you think the definition. Since the beginning, we've been talking about the different. Maybe a home and a house.You can have a home or you can have a house, or you can have a home or you can have an apartment. But for me, home is very personal. As we've kind of talked about throughout this conversation. Home to me is where I feel home. I feel I'm home.I think that's evolved or changed since the pandemic. For example, has it changed into more of a. Not just a home, but maybe a multifunctional? Space.Like my wife works from home three, two days a week now because of that.

Scott Harris00:38:16

Yeah, I think that the home has evolved over a long time. But I would actually argue that the home has not really changed as much as people want it. You know, to claim, like you, you can look at the ruins.You go to a place like, you know, go, go to the ruins of. In the Middle east, the homes, the way they're laid out, the way people lived, it hasn't changed all that much.Certainly technology has made the TVs thinner and you don't have maybe you don't have as many books or CDs or DVDs anymore. And the flat panel, like maybe the living room's a little bit smaller, the kitchen might be open.But I think when it's all said and done, people live very similarly to how they've lived for hundreds, if not thousands of years. And I think fine zoom makes it possible to work from home. You can have a lot more virtual meetings.We can have these conversations that are really important over the computer. But I think ultimately person to person connection is never going to go away.And I think, look, in certain places that you don't live close enough to each other, there's a lack of connection. Every person and how they want to relate to other people, it can be different.And you sort of attracted to cities, you're attracted to more rural things, but it's a really a process of getting to know yourself. But. So I think that.But I think generally there's like, there's only so much of a variety of what people really think of as home, and it's just a matter of finding what ticks, you know, what works for you.

Michael Herst00:40:10

On that note, what kind of actionable tips can you share for making a home feel like a sanctuary that we can come home to?

Scott Harris00:40:18

Yeah, I would encourage people often to be less focused on social media and what makes a home look the certain way that you want to find things that make a home feel like yours. And I don't encourage people to do crazy renovation if they think they're going to be there for three years.But I also paint the house the color you want. I give you permission to paint it, you know, green or yellow or red when it's time to sell.Just don't be surprised if the real estate agent tells you to paint it a more neutral color.Yeah, like, I give you permission to have a little fun and make a home feel like yours, you know, and, you know, I have my own design ideas, but, like, who cares? It's your house. Do what you want to do and don't be so hung up on what other people think.I think that's a, you know, I think that's an important thing. You know, have some freedom to make some personal choices and don't worry about other people. Like, if it makes you feel happy, like, hang.Hang that piece of art over the mantle or not, but whatever. I don't have the answer to what feels like home to you, but I think another piece.And I always encourage people to open their homes, you know, let people in, entertain, like, create a home that feels welcoming to other people. And, you know, I think that's a. Again, that's a personal choice. Home for me is very much about creating a space that I can.That other people feel welcome in and they can be themselves. And that's, you know, all of a lot of what I do professionally is also helping people feel like they can be themselves, to explore what.What's going to make them happy. But I think the more that you create a home that serves other people, I think it ultimately serves you too.And, you know, you want to have a home that helps you do whatever you're trying to pursue in your life, you know, makes you. Makes you feel happy. And if something's broken or something doesn't work, slow down a little bit and try to focus on it.It's not always like, oh, that sink is broken. But it's like, huh, you know, what would make this work? Maybe you need to get rid of some stuff in your life. Declutter a little bit. Don't.Just if it's nagging at you, take a minute to think about it.

Michael Herst00:42:49

That's great advice. I think there's great tips. I think that we. In order to make a home, we should be allowed to have it the way.But obviously some of us are governed by hoa, so I can't paint my house bright green. But it is. I think in order for us to feel comfortable in our own homes, we should be able to do exactly what you just said.I know that you've got so many more things in your book. What made you want to write the book?

Scott Harris00:43:18

You know, Michael, during COVID I was. I wrote a lot of music, which was, like, wonderful. The real estate business in New York City was on pause for about three months.Really, like, halted. We weren't legally allowed to show homes. And I started. I. We rented a little.We rented a house outside of the city for a month after the kids finished school. And I started just writing and Writing stories unconnected, just stories, real estate stories from my clients.And I just started like, like shooting like a documentary. I was just writing a lot of stories.And then about three years ago I was in Las Vegas for a conference and I was speaking at a conference and I was jet lagged and I was listening to this conversation between Bill Moyers, who is a journalist, and a guy named Joseph Campbell. Joseph Campbell is really famous for the phrase the hero's journey. You know, it's. What is the hero's journey?It's, it's the, the framework for every Disney movie and Star Wars. It's the young person who has this special thing about them and they, they don't want to, they're reluctant to go on the journey.You know, Luke Skywalker's parents are, are killed and he's in the. And then Ben Kenobi, there's this person to kind of help guide them. Anyway, you all know the story.But what occurred to me is that buying a home is its own hero's journey and its own journey of personal. That was the insight for me.And so I started, I had a framework to write this book and I wanted to write something that would help first time home buyers navigate this process and work through the emotional world that's under the transaction because no one's talking about it, but everybody goes through it. And that passion and desire to help people carried me through. And we found a publisher last year and the book's coming out in October.So it's, it's been a real joy to write. And, and it's also helped me articulate kind of how we do what we do in the way we do it, which is different.

Michael Herst00:45:30

Very cool, very cool. I mean, that's admirable. I think you're giving people an opportunity to give them some peace of mind in regard to their, their searches for a home.Tell us how we can find you your website, your book is, that's coming out October. October is a great month by the way. I was born in October. So good, good month to release Buddy and the podcast.

Scott Harris00:45:55

If people want to go on Instagram, they can find me at Scotty Harris S C O T T I E Harris. That's my handle. They want to learn more about my company Magnetic.They can go to magneticre.com and if they want to find the Pursuit of Home, which is the book and the podcast, they can search Pursuit of Home podcast. I'm sure they'll find it wherever they look at podcasts.And the book is on pre order on Amazon or wherever you're looking to, wherever you buy home, buy books rather you just Google or search up the Pursuit of Home and Scott Harris and you'll surely find the book outstanding.

Michael Herst00:46:37

And I'll make sure that's in the show notes for everybody so they can just click on it and easy way to find you and connect with you. I appreciate it, Scotty. What a great, what an amazing journey that your life was on and where you've come to today.Thank you for sharing all your wisdom with the world.I think that, what an opportunity for somebody to have a better understanding to connect their emotion and their heart and their logic together to find a new home.

Scott Harris00:47:05

Well, it's a pleasure to be here and I really, I really just want to bring this conversation out into the open to the public. I think that the real estate industry has really not done itself a lot of help in making themselves look good.And I think that real estate and the pursuit of home I think can be a much more noble and nourishing endeavor. And you know, I really wanted to, I want to do all I can to help it be that way.

Michael Herst00:47:39

I appreciate that intensely because you know, it's a life changing event. Would you buy a home? Even if you sell a home and buy a new home, it's still a life changing event in your lifetime.So yeah, I think it's a wonderful thing. Do you have any words of wisdom for anybody that's out there trying to find their dream home?

Scott Harris00:47:56

Yeah, I would. Again, I would just encourage you to take as much time as you need.There are no shortcuts to this and have, have real faith that it's going to happen.And if you're having doubt and fear and uncertainty, which is completely normal, do your best to align yourself with someone who cares first and foremost about you and your success and surround yourself with professionals like real estate agents, but also in your own life, pull in the people that really care about you and that are going to lift you up and support you in this because it's a journey that has its ups and downs and, and if there are people that aren't going to support you in that, maybe don't include them in this journey, but do include the people that are empathetic and who are like, I've got you and that are, be the listening, listen for, you know, with you and whatever you have to say to cry on their shoulder and that kind of thing.Just make sure you surround yourself with people who really care about you first and foremost and you're going to have a lot more of a chance of success.

Michael Herst00:48:56

Profound words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing those. I appreciate that. Scott. Thank you very much for being on the show.Thank you for sharing your words, your wisdom and your knowledge with us. I I'm grateful that you were able to and hopefully we've inspired and motivated and educated some people today.

Scott Harris00:49:11

It's been my pleasure. Thanks, Michael.

Michael Herst00:49:13

For everyone else out there, please be sure to like subscribe and follow us. Thank you very much for being a part of One More Thing before youe Go Community and One More Thing before you all go. Have a great day.Have a great weekend. Thank you for being here.

Scott Harris00:49:27

Thanks for listening to this episode of One More Thing before youe Go.Check out our website@beforeyougopodcast.com youm can find us as well as subscribe to the program and rate us on your favorite podcast listening platform.